


I want this bliss but something says I must resist

by Eternal Scribe (Shadowcat)



Category: Charmed (TV)
Genre: Community: Theatrical Muse, F/M, POV First Person, Prompt Fic, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 17:07:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10575735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcat/pseuds/Eternal%20Scribe
Summary: Phoebe reflects on one of her favorite songs and how the song lyrics seem to match up to different events in the romance and relationship of her and Cole.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Old prompt fill for Theatrical Muse at LJ in 2007.
> 
> _Challenge #160 -- What Song Best Describes Your Life?_

If I had to select only one song that I feel sums up my life and who I am now, it would have to be " _ **Face to Face**_ " by _Siouxsie and the Banshees_. If you listen to the lyrics, you can almost see every part of my life that the song touches on. If we have to be perfectly honest, the song really does seem to trace the roots and the bloom of my relationship with Cole.

 

_Face to face -- my lovely foe_   
_Mouth to mouth -- raining heaven's blows_

When I fell in love with him, it is true that I didn't have any idea that he was a demon. However, he was a lawyer, and someone that my sisters and I had to be careful around and had to hide our secret from. Only Daryl and Andy had ever know our secret and remained trustworthy while they were in law enforcement. Trusting the assistant district attorney was just supposed to be right out.

 

_Hand on heart -- tic tac toe_   
_Under the stars -- naked as we flow_

I knew logically what the smart thing to do was -- stay away from him completely. It was hard, though, and becoming even more difficult. I knew that I had fallen for him when he came by the house several times to check on us after someone had been breaking in. I also appreciated how he didn't bring charges against us when Prue's trap had hurt him the night he came into the house. True, he _had_ been up to no good at that point, but he had seemed so sincere when he said he was glad that I wasn't the one that had set the dangerous trap.

 

_Cheek to cheek -- the bitter sweet_  
Commit your crime in your deadly time

He's a wonderful dancer, you know. Of course, I had no way of knowing that as he was dancing the Salsa with me and getting me to share personal stories of who I was, he had already set his plan to destroy my sisters and I into action. While we were dancing like two people in love, his partner, the rage demon, had been setting my sisters against each other and it would just take me walking into the house at the right moment to seal our doom. I walked in, we used our powers against each other... and thus the power of the Charmed Ones was temporarily severed.

 

_It's too divine -- I want to bend_   
_I want this bliss but something says I must resist_

After the fight with my sisters, it was Cole that I went to for solace. He held me as I cried and I could tell that he was upset about something. At the time, I just assumed that it was because I was hurting so much and that I was so devastated about what had happened with Piper and Prue. The thing is, he really _was_ upset that I was so badly hurt. I know now that he was supposed to kill me that night when I turned to him. Instead... instead he sent me back home to fix things with my sisters.

Of course, he should have known it wouldn't be that easy and his partner possessed him. He forced Belthazor to come to the Manor and attack us. Unfortunately for both Belthazor and the other demon, we had been preparing and practicing for just such an attack. Belthazor killed the other demon before we could -- and then Piper got our piece of demon flesh to make the potion to vanquish Belthazor.

 

_Another life -- another time_   
_We're Siamese twins writhing intertwined_

When my sisters and I were sucked into the past to save our family line from being completely wiped out by evil, I ran into a fortune teller. Harmless guy, but he did something quite amazing -- or something quite amazing happened. He peeled an apple and told me to blow upon it before he dropped it into a barrel of water. When the apple peel hit the water, it immediately formed itself into the shape of a "C".

That was when I knew that he and I were meant to be together -- or so I thought at the time.

 

_Face to face -- no telling lies_   
_The masks they slide to reveal a new disguise_

Imagine my shock to find out that the man that I had fallen in love with was actually the demon that had been hunting and hurting my sisters and I for so long. I was both shocked and crushed. I had never felt that strongly about any man in my life before, and the one that I did love completely and thoroughly turned out to be one of my biggest enemies. I didn't know what to do and then when he kidnapped me from his apartment that night when my sisters showed up with the demonic bounty hunter, things just got a hell of a lot more confusing.

I loved him, I couldn't deny that. He loved me and he had tried not to.

 

_You never can win -- it's the state I'm in_   
_This danger thrills and my conflict kills_

I did something that I hadn't done in a very long time.

I lied to my sisters.

I took the potion we had created and then I shattered the vial over Cole's shirt on the floor of the crypt we were in. I kissed Cole and he shimmered away. I thought that I would never see him again and I told my sisters that I had vanquished the demon that had been hunting us for so long.

It was a lie, but my grief was real. Something had been vanquished that night -- the relationship between me and the only man I had ever seen a real future with.

 

_They say follow your heart -- follow it through_   
_But how can you -- when you're split in two?_

I should have realized that what was between us wouldn't just fade away with time. I should have taken the fact that Cole was a very stubborn man into account, too.

I told him that he had to stay away, that there couldn't be anything between us. We were on opposite sides and I just couldn't keep the secret or keep hiding any longer. I had told my sisters that I hadn't vanquished him and he just needed to stay away.

 

_And you'll never know_   
_You'll never know_

"No" was not something he was going to let me say, and he decided that he wanted to be on the side of good. He chose good over evil to be with me. He went against everything he was and had been raised into for me.

 

_One more kiss -- before we die_   
_Face to face -- and dream of flying_

He was determined -- even when my sisters tried to kill him.

He showed up at the Manor the day that I became linked with the curse of the Bo and the old western town. I had been shot somehow and I was dying in front of him. He wasn't willing to let me die and he took Prue into the past in order to save me. As much as my family hated to admit it, Cole did indeed love me and it wasn't something that we could fight any longer.

I didn't want to be without him.

 

_Who are you? -- who am I?_  
Wind in wings -- two angels falling

We both should have realized that it could never be that easy for us. Just because we loved each other and wanted to be together didn't mean that we would be allowed to be happy.

Then, in an instant, Cole's past came back to haunt all of us. A demon came into our lives to take Cole's place in the Underworld -- and his plans for me did not sound like they included a quick death. The surviving fiance of a witch that Cole had killed also showed up -- and suddenly Cole was a human.

He was an innocent.

That should have been the end of it, you know? Cole was human now and we should have been able to have the life together that we wanted to have.

Should have.

 

_To die like this -- with a last kiss_   
_It's falsehood's flame -- it's a crying shame_

The Source needed a new host and so he possessed Cole. None of us realized what was happening -- not even Cole. The Source became even more powerful through Cole and everything changed for us -- for all of us.

We had a chance -- my sisters and I -- to save ourselves and the man I love. But the Seer lied to me. She told me that the only way to save all of us was to not to use the dark grimoire to expel The Source from my husband. She said if we did the magic then we were all lost.

God help me, but I believed her and I took my place at Cole's side -- as Queen of the Underworld.

That was never meant to last, apparently because I then tried to help my sisters protect an innocent that the Source wanted dead. I also found out that the Seer had been feeding me a tonic of pure evil to kill the goodness in me and turn my baby completely evil. The worst part about that? Cole/The Source had known she was doing it.

It all came to a head when The Source, pretending to be me, tricked my sisters into bringing the innocent out of hiding and then killed him.

My sisters showed up at the Penthouse and I had to make a choice. I could help them vanquish The Source -- and the man I loved -- or I could stand by while he killed them.

When I kissed him, I know the Source thought I was choosing him over them. Somehow, somehow, I really do think that the real Cole understood why I was about to do what I did.

I kissed him -- and then I killed him.

 

_Face to face -- the passions breathe_   
_I hate to stay but then I hate to leave_

He's since come back into my life and we've started again. Him and I, and we're taking this chance to be together. We're taking this life and we're making it ours. The Elders and the demons have put us through so much hell and we're not willing to let it happen again.

We love each other, the Witch and the Demon, and that's all that matters to us now.

_And you'll never know_   
_You'll never know_


End file.
